Say you're OK

"Seek it out and ye shall find!"

-Eingel Calayag

Today, I feel like typing using the Courier font. I just find it classy and sophisticated (like I'm supposed to be right now, in which, I'm not). So, I'm not much to brag but I just (tried to) skip a whole birth week and tried not to post about it. But I am now. This year, actually, I was trying not to tell people that it was my birthday because I wasn't thinking of celebrating it AT ALL. But since my friends went through a lot of trouble and bought me a cake and all that, I guess I celebrated it after all.

Last Monday, July 14, 2014, I turned 14.

A pretty much young age yet it could be the age in which I can get as old as I can get. To think that I'm already 14, I still cannot get it to sink in my mind. Right now, actually, I still feel thirteen and young. Because people around me still treat me like I am thirteen and young. But really, I'm fourteen but I am still young, to make it clear. I just turned a year older but that doesn't make any difference as to who I am still.

So yeah, I'm just going to tell a really short and lull story about a part of my childhood (Why? Because I want to and it's still my birth week after all). When I was a kid, I was always pushed to seek out a dream of being a nurse or a doctor by my parents because they say the pay was good. But I didn't understand that much at that time. And so, as a little kid,I just followed.

Whenever our teacher in school would ask, "What do you want to be when you grow up?", there would be random shouts of answers from each and every one of us in the room. But all of our answers were somehow similar to each other. Like, for instance, one would say he'd like to be a doctor to save lives. Another would say he would also like to be a doctor because he wants to heal people's wounds. While another would say she'd like to be a stewardess because she'd want to navigate the world. And another tall girl would say the same thing. But I knew so much more. Little did their tiny brains know that life was much more complicated than what our tiny brains could handle back then. While they were out dreaming and answering our teacher's question, I was thinking it through. I knew so much more, as I said earlier. I did not raise my hand nor answered, like everyone else, in chorus because if I did, I'd have a dumb reason as to why I wanted to become a doctor--Because my parents told me they'd want me to be a doctor and that the pay was good.

At that moment, I grabbed a pen and a paper. I wrote in the middle (or what I thought was close to the middle) of the paper this title: Possible Jobs I Want When I Grow Up. And just like that, I was planning for my future. Well, a little bit of my future that is. Take note: I was six years old. You see, I had this mannerism when I was young that if I think of something smart in my head or just think of something that just popped in my head that I knew I would later forget that I thought was brilliant, I would write or draw it down on paper. And that's precisely what I did. As far as I remembered, this was my list:

1. Doctor (obviously because this was what my parents wanted me to take up)

2. Chef (because I love food and it interests me to make them)

3. Singer (I love to sing even though I was out of tune back then)

4. Actress (I have this thing when I was a kid that I wanted to be seen on TV)

5. Painter (because drawing is mainstream. Playing with paint is my forte when I was in grade school.. And I mean seriously messing up with paint but creating a work of art)

6. Writer (because somehow, I always wrote letters to my parents when I was younger and they kept ALL of them up until now)

7. DJ (because I want to be heard on the radio and I like giving advice to people who hardly know me)

As I grew up, the list got longer and longer and longer until I lost the paper I wrote on. And at the age of ten, I started to make my list again. And this time, it went like this:

1. Singer

2. Actress

3. Chef

4. Writer

5. DJ

All of these I wrote for the same reasons I had back then. Notice that the Doctor option was ripped out. Yeah. I lost interest. But then, things got more complicated. Job offerings were a lot more broadened. And I learned at this age that you had to choose a course for college to pursuit what you want to be when you grow up. But I didn't care that much at that time since I still got a whole life ahead of me.

Times changed and decisions were made. Things happened and things were said and done. I was twelve this time and I was in the 6th Grade. I joined the Grade School Newspaper and (thank goodness) got in. I was even invited to undergo competition and luckily won 2nd place. It was the happiest day of my life. It was the first time I actually achieved something besides my academic achievements. And for this, my list changed again:

1. Singer

2. Writer

3. Actress

4. DJ

I will state right now that I hated cooking back then so I took Chef option out of the question. And I was left with four contenders. Much to my amusement, I searched about being an actress. And I realized that if my life wasn't focused on being an actress and that if I didn't want a controversy-filled life, I should stop pursuing my Actress option. And so I did. And my list went like this:

1. Writer

2. Singer

3. DJ

By the time I was thirteen, my voice got deeper and huskier. Well not really huskier but a bit unlady-like. My voice started to build up but not for the singing career. Maybe for a declamation speech or a character portrayal but certainly not for a singing competition or something like that. And so my list went like this:

1. Writer

2. DJ

3. News Reporter

The idea of the News Reporter option went up because I still decided that I wanted to be shown on TV. But then, my parents told me that if I wanted to be a News Reporter, I'd have to be a field reporter first. And I saw the hard task of being a field reporter and I didn't like the idea of it. So I kind of crossed it out the list:

1. Writer

2. DJ

3. News Reporter

At the brink before my birthday, we attended a seminar about Paths. And I realized that if I wanted to pursue something, I would want to pursue something that I would never get tired of and that I would never get bored on doing. So I had a decision made. And my list went on like this (for the very last time):

1. Writer A.K.A. Journalist

2. DJ 

Sure, being a DJ meant spreading the word to your people. But what better way on spreading your ideas out to the world than in writing? I mean, that's what I'm doing right now, ain't it? And I realized that if I pass on the UPCAT and pursue Journalism, it wouldn't be too hard for our financial stability. Also, I'd get to be doing what I wanted the most: Writing!

You wouldn't be surprised if my name were to be printed on a broadsheet in the near future 'cause Journalist Eingel Calayag is on her way to spread the news of the century! I just hope I won't be changing my list for the next few years of my life.